Kerry, that is. (Edwards, you can go about your book tour.)
I’m going to take a moment from my post-election binge drinking and ask you a favor: Don’t run for President. Please.
I know, it’s really not fair, and I feel really bad for you. You raised more money than any Democrat in history, got more votes than any Democrat in history — just 80K from victory Ohio — and parties have typically afforded their nominees a second chance.
But, I have to be more honest with you than I was with that girl I met at the bar last week.
I don’t like you.
Nobody did. We hated George W. Bush. Remember this guy? It wasn’t just funny, it was the truth. We could have nominated a bicycle and it would have gotten 45% against W. (”Vote Bike — Ride the Path to Change in 04!”) So don’t take last time as an example of how people feel about you or how much money you can raise.
You’re boring and vacillatory, which makes it remarkable how often you manage to say something that can get you into trouble. Like that little joke that got you routinely panned by the whole country in about 2 days. Honestly, I’ve heard how scared your staff used to get when you stopped reading from the prepared text.
You are a career Washington politician, and that has a way of sapping the real life out of candidates. You tend to forget what it was like to be inspired by greater things and greater people. You fall in love with your own voice and your ego gets way too big.
We’ve got some big problems we need fixed, and we need someone who will inspire the next generation of Americans. For example, your newfound voice is two years too late and feels contrived. We don’t need more insincerity — we already have Hillary, after all.
But worst of all, you blew it on the war.
Campaigns reflect their candidates, no matter how much we political consultant folks try and tell you guys what to do, you are the ultimate deciders. Your core being — the military service and heroism that defines you most — came under attack, and you resisted the urge to swing back.
Why? Because you were afraid to lay it on the line. You were afraid of losing the presidency. That’s why you voted for the war resolution in the first place. You thought it would help you win the presidency. Conviction is important, John.
And it’s not just these things. We have new people courting us. That Obama fellow is mighty dreamy. We always liked Edwards and we don’t much blame him for what happened in 2004. You, on the other hand… (Another reason we’re pissed? You’re partly responsible for Bush still being in the White House.) And let’s face it, there are quite a few of us who are scared to cross Hillary — those Clintons hold a hell of a grudge, you know.
And I want you to have an honorable legacy. You deserve not only for 20 years of distinguished service in the Senate and for fighting volunteering to fight in Vietnam. You raised a ton of money for Democrats. Emails to your list on behalf of candidates were worth $50K for some candidates. Despite what I said above, your new voice on Iraq is welcome and we need real, responsible people to help us fix the mess. I’d love to see you as a Secretary of State, or some other position that would piss off John McCain.
You have a long, James Baker-like career ahead of you in Washington. Old hands that the country desperately needs in positions where we don’t have to elect you. Hell, Al Gore has become so anti-Washington of late, there’s a vacuum waiting to be filled. Bill Clinton isn’t going to do anything like this, not while there’s political risk in offending people.
So please John, don’t run. We want to like you. Just not as a candidate.
Sincerely, Not Paul Begala
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